Since my first ride on the monorail, I have always felt I’m riding a futuristic means of transportation.
As we pulled into the monorail station on a recent visit to Walt Disney World, I watch a seated family of five stand up and maneuver around a man in an electric scooter — some might say “climb over” — so that they could be first to disembark.
It’s an example of folks feeling entitled to do as they please under the banner of “Hey, I’m on vacation.” They also cut in line, zigzag through crowds with double-wide strollers and put children on their shoulders at parades.
This monorail group was lucky to escape with only a stink-eye from me. I wanted to give them a laminated copy of Dewayne’s Monorail Manners. OK, so those don’t exist — yet. I reached out on Twitter for suggestions for monorailer regulations, so maybe we can get these added to the Florida constitution.
•1. Give up your seat to the elderly and disabled unless you’re elderly or disabled too. Well, duh, this is just common courtesy.
. Gentlemen, surrender your seat to ladies. This is old school, but it always earns points with the mothers.
•2A. Ladies, if gentlemen don’t give up a seat to you, don’t carp loudly. It’s a courtesy.
It’s OK to speak along with the Spanish version of the prerecorded safety spiel, but please don’t announce it to the whole train.
•4. Don’t let your kid stand too close to strangers.
•5. When queuing up in the station, follow the cast members’ instructions to go to the end of the loading platform. It’s one of the rare times that filling in “all available space” doesn’t hack me off. It helps with loading onto the train, and we’re all going to get there at the same time in a just a few moments, no matter which cabin you’re in.
•6. My monorail mission: When disembarking, let’s let the standing people off first. It clears the way for the sitters and keeps things orderly.
•7. Finally, when exiting the station, be careful with those swinging gates. They are heavy, have pointy corners and can bruise a thigh behind you.
Theme parked
We’re on a how-to-act roll now. What is up with people who have just parked their car at theme parks? Why do so many people walk right into traffic — upstream into the very traffic they were just in?
It’s hard for the workers to yell instructions in a magical tone, but here’s what it boils down to: Get out, walk toward the front of your car, turn toward the park entrance in the distance. See? No traffic over there. Honestly, did their mothers not tell them to not play in traffic?
A related lot problem: People who stand behind their cars, sometimes unloading, sometimes loitering. Then, another car is directed to park behind them, but they can’t because the passengers of the first car are lollygagging. Sometimes the children are roaming free while the stroller is being assembled.
This week, I had two ladies digging madly through purses in the trunk as I pulled up. They didn’t notice me or ignored me for a couple of minutes. I didn’t honk. I really wanted to honk. Finally, they found a stick of gum and moved along.
Walk-don’t walk
Let’s wrap up with moving sidewalk etiquette. I think this may be a cultural/regional thing because I didn’t know about the stand-right, pass-on-left rule until I saw it as an adult in the Detroit airport.
But, boy, it ALL CAPS UPSETS some people, infuriated by other who merely stand and ride the Powerwalks instead of keeping pace in the Universal Orlando mega-garage.
I have no issue with this. After a long, hard day of walking, it’s good to move without moving. But the lean toward the right regulation rings true to me. Let’s do that.